I Need You
by iwannagibbs
Summary: ZIBBS A snapshot of a short period of trouble in the life of Ziva and Gibbs. Can they work it out and stay together?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is just a short teaser. The next installment is on the way. It's all written so the whole thing will be posted in the next couple of days. Hope you like it.

**I Need You**

"Daddy."

"Tali."

"When mommy home?"

Jethro sighed quietly and tried as hard as he could to keep the frustration out of his voice.

"I don't know baby."

"Where she?"

Even though he had answered these very same questions almost every day for the past three weeks, Jethro patiently answered again.

"She went to help your grandfather with something. Remember, I told you about it last night."

"Pappa Jack in the store?"

"Not Pappa Jack, your other grandfather, Eli."

"Oh."

Tali began wiggling and stuck her bottom lip out in a pout that was exactly what her mother did when she was dissatisfied with him. Something that seemed to be pretty common the last few months.

"You need to sit still if you want this braid finished. I can't fix your hair if you're moving all over the place."

"Mommy can."

"Do I look like your mommy?"

Tali looked at him and frowned. "No. You look like daddy."

"Good because that's who I am. Now sit still so I can finish. Miss Helen is going to be here in a few minutes and I have to go to work."

"I miss mommy."

"I know you do sweet girl. I miss her too. Maybe we can call her in the morning. Would you like that?"

"Okay."

Jethro finished braiding his daughter's hair, gave her a hug and a kiss and sent her off to find her shoes. He sat on the side of the bed and tried not to be angry with his wife. That was getting harder and harder the longer Ziva was in Israel. It was also getting harder to keep it from Tali along with his frustration and fear and despair over their relationship. On the other hand, Tali was the only reason he was sober these days and able to go to work every day. Without her to take care of, Ziva's leaving without any warning or explanation would have destroyed him. But, someone had to take care of their daughter and since he loved her more than his own life it wasn't hard for him to do. Still, he wondered when her mother was coming home. Or if she was coming home at all.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and alerts or as we're calling them now, followings.

**I Need You**

Chapter 2

The nanny/housekeeper, Helen Reynolds, arrived ten minutes later and Jethro headed to work. Helen was a godsend especially with Ziva gone. She had worked for them since Ziva went back to work when Tali was three months old. She was a great cook and took care of Tali as if the child was her own granddaughter. The house was always spotless and his daughter was always happy when he came home so Jethro loved Miss Helen as much as Tali did. He knew she wondered about Ziva's absence but she had the good taste not to ask him about it. He did her the courtesy of telling her Ziva was in Israel on family business and would be back as soon as possible. As far as he knew, he wasn't lying to her. He certainly hoped not.

Fortunately, it was Friday and the team didn't catch a case so everyone concentrated on paperwork. Gibbs had two meetings with the director and when he came back to the bullpen after the second one he sent his agents home for the weekend. Tim McGee who had worked for Gibbs for over five years now headed down to the lab to get Abby. They were a couple now and were spending the weekend house hunting. Barbara Johnson was the newest team member having taken Ziva's place when she left the team to have Tali. She was a good addition; she got along well with everyone and was a very good investigator. She grabbed her gear and headed out as soon as Gibbs said they could go. Seems she had plans with a Marine major she was dating.

Gibbs' senior agent, Tony DiNozzo, uncharacteristically lagged behind. Normally the first one out of the office he lingered at his desk fiddling with his computer in an obvious attempt to be the last one in the bullpen. Gibbs looked at him and shook his head. He knew what was coming but he couldn't avoid it. Tony had worked for Gibbs for almost ten years and was as close to him as anyone except Ducky. He knew in his gut that something was wrong with the Boss and his beautiful, deadly wife.

"Boss, what's going on? Where's Ziva?"

"Israel. I told you that."

"Yeah, but that was weeks ago. Look, I know you're very careful with your personal life but come on. Why is she still gone? I mean how can she leave Tali here not to mention you?"

Gibbs looked at him and knew Tony was just trying to help. Tony and Ziva had been partners for a long time before she and Gibbs got together. They trusted each other completely and had saved one another's life any number of times. He knew her almost as well as Gibbs did. But, Tony was right, Gibbs guarded his personal life very closely. He didn't want to talk about Ziva with Tony or anyone else for that matter.

"I don't know what to tell you Tony. She's doing some work for her father I suspect. She'll be home when she's through."

"I don't mean to pry Boss, but is she staying in touch with you? You seem pretty down lately."

In a rare moment of weakness, Gibbs responded, "I haven't heard from her in over two weeks. I honestly don't have a clue what the hell she's doing or where she's doing it or for whom."

"Shit."

"That about covers it DiNozzo. Look, I know you want to help. This will work itself out. Ziva will be home because she loves Tali and won't leave her."

"She loves you too Boss. Don't ever think she doesn't."

"I'm not so sure about that one. But, like I said it will work out. Now you go on and have a good weekend. Don't worry about this, Tony."

Tony stood up and gathered his backpack. "You can be sure Boss. I know Ziva and she loves you. Maybe she's got something going with Eli right now but you and that little girl of yours are her life. She'll be back. I know it."

Gibbs sat at his desk for a few minutes thinking about what Tony had said. There was a time, months ago, when he would have said the same thing. Ziva loved him and Tali and their life together. Of that he had no doubt. Until….something changed and his beautiful, passionate, caring wife began drifting away from him. By the time he realized something was wrong Ziva had begun shutting him out and no matter how hard he tried or what he said, she wouldn't let him back in. Then, she announced almost a month ago she had to go to Israel to see her father. There had been no discussion, no compromise. She simply told him she was going and didn't know how long she would be gone. She cried when she kissed Tali goodbye but she simply kissed him on the cheek and said she'd call when she arrived.

She did call when she arrived and then again three days later but that was the last he heard from his wife. Of course he tried calling her almost every day for a week but could never find her. He finally called her father but again, he was told the Mossad director was unavailable, even to his son-in-law. Even to his only granddaughter. Gibbs had meant it this morning when he told Tali they would call her mother but he had no real expectation of success. He would call and if by some miracle he got Ziva on the phone, then he would let her talk to Tali but her wouldn't involve his little girl until her mother was on the line. It was hard enough for him to deal with the disappointment, he didn't want a three year old to have to do it too.

Gibbs looked at his watch and decided it was time to go home. He could give Helen an early evening; it was the least he could do for her considering all she had done for them in the past weeks. In the elevator, he was suddenly struck by a memory of Ziva kissing him one morning in this very elevator. It had been very early in their relationship and for some reason she had decided she had to have one more kiss before they resumed the façade they used at work back then. He remember how she had punched the stop button and backed him into the corner.

"_Ziver, what's going on?"_

"_I need one more kiss before we go out there and pretend we aren't lovers. I need to feel you touch me one more time this morning."_

"_Just one? That all you need?"_

"_No, but that's all we really have time for so make it a good one."_

As he remembered he'd made it a good one. Hell, every kiss with Ziva was a good one in his opinion. He shook his head and walked out into the parking garage and to his car. He wondered why he thought of that tonight. He rode in that elevator every day but he'd never thought about that kiss after that day. Maybe because until recently he was too busy getting new kisses to worry about ones he'd gotten years ago. Now he'd give almost anything in the world to have a kiss from his wife.

Walking in his front door, Jethro was greeted by the smell of Helen's homemade spaghetti sauce and a swiftly moving three year old. He dropped his bag and prepared to catch his daughter as she came flying down the hallway.

"Daddy home!"

Jethro scooped Tali into his arms and hugged her tight. He never tired of this particular greeting. It had been so many years between Kelly running to him and Tali doing it that he had come to accept it would not happen again. But then Ziva happened and his world turned on its axis. When Ziva first came into his life courtesy of his late boss, Jenny Sheppard, she was anything but welcome. She was replacing someone Jethro had loved like a daughter and who had died because Ziva's half brother wanted to make him suffer. Ari had accomplished that goal but in the end he too lost his life and Jethro's was spared; by Ziva. To say it was an unusual beginning to a relationship would be an understatement. Back then the relationship was all business and very little pleasure. That part took some time to develop. But develop it did and when they finally faced what was happening between them there was no stopping it and no turning back.

"You're home early Gibbs."

"I thought you might like to have an early evening yourself, Helen. Sure smells good in here."

"I know how you like my spaghetti. I made plenty for tonight and some for the freezer too."

"Thank you. You are a godsend. I don't know what Tali and I would do without you."

Helen looked at him with an appraising eye. She had grown to love this family and especially, Jethro. He reminded her of her oldest son who was an Army Ranger deployed in Afghanistan. She worried about him every day and lately she had been worried about Gibbs too.

"Tali, why don't you go upstairs and get that picture you colored for daddy today?"

Tali ran up the stairs to find her latest art work.

"While we have a minute tell me how you're doing Jethro."

"Okay I guess. It's not easy being a single parent that's for sure."

"No it isn't but that's not what I mean. You're a wonderful father and you manage Tali just fine by yourself. What I mean is what's happening with Ziva? I can tell by looking at you that you're not sleeping. You haven't heard from her have you?"

"No. Not in a while." Jethro scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed. "I wish I knew what was going on Helen. If I did I'd tell you."

"I don't want to pry, Jethro but I'm worried about you. I've come to care for you and your two girls and I hate seeing you so sad."

"Do you think Tali is picking up on my mood?" Jethro had tried his very best to always be upbeat and as normal as possible around his daughter but now he was wondering if he'd failed at that.

"I don't think so. She seems happy most of the time; her normal self. She does ask about her mom every now and then but not as much frankly as I'd expect. She talks about you all the time. You're doing fine in that department, Jethro, don't worry. But, I want you to take care of yourself and if you need a night to just let loose I will be happy to take Tali home with me to spend the night anytime."

"I might take you up on that some day. Thank you for your concern. All this will work itself out and Ziva will be home soon I hope. Now, go on and get out of here or you won't really have an early evening after all."

"Goodnight Jethro. Give Tali my love. I'll see you both on Monday morning."

Tali came into the kitchen with her new drawing and explained it to her daddy.

"It's a dog and a tree."

"I like it very much. Should we put it on the fridge?"

"Yes. I'm hungry."

"Okay, I'm getting the spaghetti ready. Can you get up in your chair please."

Tali climbed into her booster seat and she and her daddy had supper. Tali talked a mile a minute when she didn't have food in her mouth. Jethro made all the right responses even when he didn't have a clue what she was talking about. After supper Tali played in the living room while Jethro cleaned up the kitchen then he took her upstairs for a bath. Tali liked lots of bubbles and loved to play in the water so Jethro sat patiently on the toilet seat while she entertained herself for almost twenty minutes.

Jethro loved watching his daughter. She was the image of her mother with the same complexion and thick, curly black hair. She didn't look a thing like her father but he didn't care. He thought she was the most beautiful little girl on the planet and he didn't hesitate to tell her so. She was bright and sweet natured and could entertain herself with her toys or dolls for a long time. Tali had inherited her father's love of the outdoors and the water. She loved to go swimming but her favorite thing was to go sailing. She absolutely loved being on the boat with her mom and dad so they took her every chance they got.

After her bath, Tali snuggled into her daddy's lap in the rocking chair in her room and he read her three stories before she fell asleep. Jethro sat holding his sleeping angel for a long time that night. He had never compared Tali to Kelly but sometimes he remembered things he had done with Kelly and realized he was doing them again twenty years later with another precious daughter. At those times he always renewed his vow to keep Tali, and her mother, safe no matter what. Tonight he wondered how he was going to do that when he didn't even know where her mother was. If he thought about that too long he would get angry again so instead he focused on Tali and the sweetness and light she brought into his life. Finally, he kissed her on the forehead and laid her in her bed amidst all her stuffed animals.

Jethro decided to work on a bookcase he was building for Abby so he turned on the monitor on Tali's bedside table and took the receiver with him in case she woke up while he was in the basement where he couldn't hear her. Maybe losing himself in his project for a while would ease his mind and help him decide what he should do about Ziva. Not that he had all that many options. She didn't answer her cell phone and her father didn't take his calls. When Ziva left she told him only that her father had called saying he needed her help. That could mean anything from hunting down a terrorist to training a new body guard for him. It frustrated Jethro no end that Ziva had not explained what she was doing there when she called after she'd arrived. All she said was not to worry and she'd be home as soon as she could. That was the first call.

Three or four days later she had called again and said she'd be gone a bit longer that she first thought. The memory of that conversation played in Jethro's mind as he began measuring and cutting book shelves.

"_What do you mean it will be a while? What are you doing for Eli that you can't come home to your own family?"_

"_It's not all about Eli. Jethro you know we have been at odds lately. I need some time."_

"_Time for what? What the hell are you saying Zi? We're in a rough patch but we've been there before. What about Tali? What about me? I love you Zi and I need you here. Your daughter needs you here."_

"_And I love you, both of you but something is wrong and I need to figure it out. You will be fine without me."_

"_Why can't you figure it out here with me? What do you mean something's wrong? Tell me what I've done Zi and I'll fix it."_

"_It's not anything you've done, Jethro. I can't explain it. I'm asking you to trust me and give me some time. I love you, you have to believe that. Please tell me you know that, Jethro."_

"_I know you do but you're scaring me Zi. I need you to come home. Whatever it is we can work it out together. Tali misses you. I miss you."_

"_I have to go. I'll call you when I can but it might be a while. I love you."_

That was the end of the conversation. He had heard the tears in her voice and that had scared him almost as much as her words. She hung up then and Jethro had not heard from her again. When he called Eli a week later he was told the Mossad director was gone. The next time Jethro tried him he was unavailable and Jethro stopped trying. He had spent so much time trying to figure out what Ziva had been talking about he didn't sleep for three nights after she called. Finally he had to give up and focus on Tali and that is what he had been doing ever since. He had no idea when Ziva was coming home or what their situation would be when she did. He did know that every day she was gone it was getting harder and harder to ignore his anger and his fear.

After an hour in the basement Jethro gave up and went upstairs. He sat on the couch and stared at the television not seeing whatever was playing there. All he could see was Ziva. He missed her so much it made him ache for her. It was the truth that they had been having a rough time but they had weathered many storms together and he refused to accept that they couldn't get through whatever was wrong this time. Jethro knew he wasn't easy to live with; he had a history to prove that but Ziva was well aware of all that and loved him anyway. She was not the easiest person either but he wasn't bothered by her moods or her past. Their relationship was based first on a deep trust of one another and then on the passion that had burned between them from the time they met. That passion had been ignored by both of them for a very long time but eventually they had given in and Jethro had never regretted it. He was beginning to wonder if Ziva was having second thoughts. He didn't want to believe that because he couldn't face losing her and certainly not Tali. No, that wouldn't happen. Whatever it took he'd get Ziva home and they'd work it out.

Jethro finally turned off the television and went upstairs to bed. He would have just fallen asleep on the couch but too often Tali wound up in his bed in the early morning hours and if he wasn't there she would be confused and frightened. He checked to make sure she was still asleep then went to his own room, undressed and laid down. He probably wasn't going to sleep much but he closed is eyes anyway and let his mind wander to happier times. This is what he did most nights, at least when he wasn't exhausted from a twelve hour day and caring for a very active three year old. Tonight he drifted all the way back to the beginning; to the day he and Ziva finally admitted they wanted each other.

_It was a cold, cloudy day in DC and the crime scene had been a difficult one. Nothing they hadn't seen before but just because you've seen a lot of dead bodies didn't mean a new one wasn't disturbing. Their dead petty officer had been left behind a bar and not in very good condition. It was too early in the morning really and none of them were in a good mood. Once the body had been removed and the scene processed they returned to the Navy Yard and got busy trying to find a lead. It hadn't taken as long as some cases so by the middle of the afternoon they were on their way to interview a potential suspect. Things definitely went downhill from there. _

_Arriving at the residence of their suspect, Gibbs sent Tony and Tim to check out the detached garage while he and Ziva approached the front door. With guns drawn, they stood on either side of the door and Ziva knocked announcing they were federal agents with a warrant. No response. Gibbs tried the door knob and finding it locked stepped back and kicked it in. Ziva went in first with Gibbs right behind her. They cleared the front rooms of the small house and were heading down the hallway to the kitchen area when their suspect jumped out of the bathroom doorway and slammed his fist into Ziva's face. As she fell to the floor, Gibbs swung his weapon around holding it mere inches from the attacker's face._

"_Give me a reason, dirt bag."_

_The man simply raised his hands above his head as Ziva stumbled up holding the side of her face and moaning in pain. She leaned against the wall and Gibbs looked at her carefully._

"_You okay?"_

"_Except for my face yes, I am fine."_

_Tony burst through the back door and saw the suspect cuffed and Ziva with a blossoming bruise on her cheekbone. "Damn, what happened?"_

"_He came out of the bathroom and slugged her. Get him out of here, DiNozzo before I slug him."_

"_Right Boss."_

_After the interrogation, the confession and the paperwork they all went home. Ziva had a nasty bruise but Ducky had pronounced her otherwise fine. He gave her an ice pack and she had used it on and off during the rest of the day so the swelling was at a minimum. As they all got into the elevator Tony suggested they go out for pizza and beer._

"_I think I will go home. My face feels icky. Maybe next time, Tony."_

_An hour later Gibbs stood outside Ziva's apartment door working up the courage to knock. He told himself he was just checking on one of his agents because she had been injured and he wanted to make sure she was alright. In the next second he had to admit to himself that he had never gone to check up on Tony or McGee when they were hurt. He did want to make sure Ziva was okay but he knew there was more to it than that. What exactly more was he didn't understand. Finally he knocked and Ziva opened the door._

"_Gibbs, what are you doing here?"_

"_Wanted to make sure you were okay."_

_She had obviously showered, her hair was damp and she smelled like some kind of flower or fruit or something else nice. She was wearing a pair of light blue cotton pajama pants and an NCIS sweatshirt. And, she had a very colorful, slightly swollen right cheekbone. Ziva moved aside to allow him to enter the apartment then she walked back toward the kitchen. Gibbs followed._

"_I am fine. Just a bruise, it will be gone in a few days. Would you like something to drink?"_

_In her mind, Ziva was asking herself, what is he doing here? He had never come to check on her before. Is he looking at me funny or am I losing my mind?_

_Gibbs didn't answer. The two of them just stood in the small kitchen looking at each other. Neither of them knew what to do next. Gibbs took a step toward her and Ziva took a step back. She wasn't sure what was going on but she knew she had never seen him look at her in quite the way he was now. His eyes were maybe his best feature and right now they were completely focused on her face. The desire she saw there would have scared her if she wasn't pretty sure he could see the same thing in her eyes. He took another step toward her and since she was already against the counter she couldn't move back. Found she didn't want to anyway. Gibbs reached out and very gently touched her bruised face._

"_Ziver." His voice was but a hoarse whisper and yet it melted her heart._

_She grasped his wrist lightly and turned her face into his hand kissing his palm._

"_Jethro." She never took her eyes off his so she saw the moment he realized what was happening. It was so clear and so powerful she could barely breathe for a moment._

"_I want you Ziver." With that his hand slid around to the back of her head and he leaned down and kissed her. _

_It started out as a gentle, tentative kiss, lips barely touching, pulling away and touching again. Then she leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his neck and suddenly it wasn't tentative anymore. It was a kiss born of years of suppressed desire and need and ignored passion. It went on and on until finally he moved from her mouth to her throat so they could both catch their breath. But he couldn't stop himself, he had to kiss her again and again while he had the chance because he was fairly certain that any moment she was going to come to her senses and throw him out. _

_She didn't. Instead she pushed his jacket off and managed to get her hands under his shirt so she could enjoy the feel of his warm skin under her fingers. He began to undress her as best he could given his refusal to remove his mouth from hers for more than a few seconds at a time. When she began moving them away from the counter Jethro finally stopped and looked at her._

"_I don't want you to stop. I just want to get somewhere more comfortable."_

"_Are you sure this is what you want? This is not just some one time thing for me, Ziva. You need to be sure."_

"_I have wanted you forever, Jethro. No, it isn't going to be just one time I promise you that. Once will definitely not be enough for me."_

_She was right. Once was not enough for either of them; that night or any other night after that. That night Ziva led him to her bedroom and they slowly and deliberately undressed each other. They had waited so long you would have thought they would be frantic to finally be together but instead, they savored their first experience of each other. Ziva made sure she touched every inch of him, finding the places where he was especially sensitive and memorizing the feel of him so when he wasn't with her she could comfort herself with the memories. _

_Jethro thought he had never seen so beautiful a woman and he wanted more than anything to please her. He also wanted to taste every little bit of her and that took some time. When she first stood before him completely naked and obviously wanting him he found it difficult to comprehend but nevertheless he accepted it. He reached out and gently touched her breasts, caressing them as he felt her hands pulling him closer until their bodies were touching in all the right places. When she pushed his boxers down and he felt her hand wrap around him he nearly stopped breathing. _

"_Make love to me Jethro." _

_She was kissing his chest and stroking his very firm dick and there was not a force on the planet that could have stopped him from granting her request. Jethro lowered her to the bed and settled beside her, kissing, stroking and tasting her from her mouth to her toes. When he finally entered her they were both so wired and so in need of one another it took but a few thrusts for them to climax together. When she had recovered her ability to move and breathe normally, Ziva took over and began her own very thorough exploration of the man she had been lusting after for what seemed like forever. She did things to him that Jethro had forgotten he liked and she made him feel like he had been reborn. _

_That was just the beginning; just the first night. After that night there was no one else for either of them. They managed to hide their relationship for about six months and then they told the director they were moving in together. They told the team next and once that was done things went on as usual. Work was work and their personal lives were something else. The __two didn't mingle and it worked just fine for about a year. Then, Ziva got pregnant._

_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and alerts or as we're calling them now, followings.

**I Need You**

Chapter 3

Jethro suddenly jolted awake and realized he had his hand in his pants and was stroking himself. He closed his eyes and remembered what he had been dreaming about. No wonder he was hard_; _thinking about making love to Ziva almost always got him aroused. He gave himself a few more strokes and was about to roll over and go back to sleep when his phone buzzed. He wasn't on call so it better not be work he thought. As he reached for the phone he saw it was just past midnight.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Jethro, I am sorry to call you so late. I thought you would still be up."

"Ziva? I'm up. Where are you? Are you alright?"

"I am fine. Actually, I am in London."

"London? What the hell are you doing in London?"

"How is Tali?"

"She's fine. You didn't answer my question. What are you doing in London."

"Working."

"For whom?"

"My father. I cannot go into it on the phone. I called to find out how you are. And to say I hope to be back in the States in a week or so."

"Back in the States? What about back home?"

"Yes, of course that is what I meant. I know you are angry with me, you have every right to be. Do you trust me Jethro?"

"I want to."

"Then please be patient. Please trust me and remember I love you."

"I need to know what you're doing Ziva. Does Vance know about this?"

"Yes and no. Some of it yes, the total of it no. Do not go to him Jethro. This is not NCIS business. It is Mossad business and my own business. You need to trust me and let me finish this."

"I don't like what I'm hearing Zi. Are you with someone?"

There was a long hesitation and Jethro knew he had struck a nerve. He could well imagine the answer and wasn't sure he wanted to hear it.

"Michael is here. We are looking for an old friend."

"Now I really don't like it. Why Michael? If you're working for Eli why didn't he send someone else? You knew I wouldn't like it."

"Because he is the best at what we are doing and he knows the friend we are looking for. Jethro you have nothing to worry about when it comes to Michael. You know better."

"Is this what you've been hiding from me the past few weeks?"

"Yes. I am sorry."

"Me too. You need to reconsider your priorities Ziva. Is your father's business more important than your daughter? More important than me?"

"That is not fair. This is a job that is long overdue and concerns many, many people. Do not ask me to justify what I am doing. You knew who I was when we started together."

"When we started together your connection to Mossad was a thing of the past! You put that behind you. Are you forgetting you're an American citizen now? You can't be running around all over the world doing your father's bidding! You have a daughter here who asks me every single day where her mommy is and when she's coming home. What am I supposed to tell her?"

"Tell her that her mommy loves her and will be home as soon as she can. I understand you are upset and worried and I do not blame you. All I can tell you is I love you and I will be home soon."

"Ziva you know how I feel about secrets and being lied to. You and I have some serious talking to do before things are right between us. I love you but I won't be lied to by you and I won't accept you keeping secrets from me. Before you come home you need to decide what you want."

"Are you telling me you do not want me to come home?"

"No, I'm telling you that when you come home you need to choose the life you want. Do you want to be married to me and raise our daughter and be happy or do you want to be at your father's beck and call and running around the world settling old scores for the Mossad?"

The silence on the line was deafening. Jethro waited and waited and finally Ziva spoke.

"I do not need to think about what I want. I want our life together. I want you and Tali and our friends and our house and the love we have. You are right I know how you feel about secrets and lies. I broke your trust and I am deeply sorry for that. This was something I felt I had to do for myself, not just for my father. I miss you Jethro, I ache for you. If I thought you would not forgive me I could not go on. I need to hear you say you will listen to me when I come home and try to forgive me. Please, Jethro, tell me you will try to forgive me."

"Ziver I will forgive you. I will. I need you here and I love you. I am angry and hurt and scared but I want you home. If this is what you truly want then it will be here for you."

"It is what I want. I have to go. Give Tali a kiss for me and tell her I love her. I will be home as soon as I can. Jethro, thank you. I love you. Bye."

Then she was gone. Jethro sat on the bed and replayed the conversation in his head over and over again. What the hell was she doing in London? She and Rivkin were obviously looking for someone. Probably a terrorist Eli was hunting. No wonder he wouldn't talk to Gibbs when he called. Jethro wanted to reach across the continents and strangle his father-in-law. If anything happened to his wife Jethro would do more than wish he could hurt Eli; he would kill him. He knew he needed to stop that train of thought so he

went to Tali's room and sat in the rocking chair watching his precious daughter sleep for almost an hour. He watched her and remembered the turmoil her unexpected presence in their lives had caused in the beginning. He reached out and stoked her soft cheek and thought about the harsh words he and her mother had exchanged then and how they almost lost each other to their pride and stubbornness.

"_You're what?"_

"_Do not shout at me Jethro. You heard perfectly well what I said, I am pregnant."_

"_So now I suppose you want to get married. I thought we were fine the way we are now. We haven't even talked about children."_

"_No, I do not want to get married. What is wrong with you Jethro? Do you think I did this on purpose? I know we were not planning this. Do you think you are the only one surprised?"_

"_You don't want to marry me? You think we should just go on living together, have a child and carry on as if nothing is changed? Not exactly what I pictured us doing Ziva."_

"_This is not exactly what I pictured either. Certainly I did not picture you reacting in this way. No, I do not want to marry you. And no I do not think things will just go on as they have been. Our situation has changed now. We need to deal with that."_

"_I thought you were on birth control."_

"_Only one thing is guaranteed to prevent pregnancy and we certainly do not practice that, although from the tone of your voice and the way you are acting I believe we will be from now on."_

"_Is that supposed to be some kind of threat Ziva?"_

"_No Jethro it is a statement of fact. You and I will no longer be sleeping together unless there is a significant change in your attitude toward me and your child. Now, I would like you to leave."_

"_Leave? My own house? I don't think so!"_

"_I was given to understand in the past year that it is OUR house but I see that is not the case. Very well, I will leave."_

_Ziva packed a bag and left that night and did not return for more than a week. She did not speak to Jethro aside from work for many days and when she finally did it was only because Ducky mediated their conversation. She learned later that he had been on Jethro's case for days telling him he needed to get himself together and fix what he had done. Of course Ziva had confided in Ducky after the blowup and he had assured her that Jethro would come to his senses and apologize to her. That wasn't exactly what happened. Not at that first meeting anyway._

_Somehow they had managed to keep the majority of their problem out of the workplace but needless to say everyone was walking on eggshells around them. Luckily, the director was away at a security conference and was not there to see his senior agent and that agent's lover glare at each other and refuse to speak to one another. If he had been there, at least one of them would doubtless have been reassigned. _

_By the end of that very uncomfortable week Ducky had been persuaded by Tony, Abby and McGee to attempt some sort of intervention with the unhappy couple. He told each of them to meet him alone in autopsy at five thirty Friday night. They arrived unaware the other was coming and at first Ducky didn't think they would stay in the same room together. He prevailed on them to at least hear him out. _

"_I know some of what is going on because both of you have spoken to me which tells me you both want this fixed. Even if you don't, something has to change before Director Vance returns or there will be hell to pay. You both know your behavior around here is closely scrutinized and up until now there has never been an issue of you being a couple and still working together on the same team. I dare say, that has now changed. I am happy to stay here and mediate your conversation or go and leave you alone whichever you choose but you need to do something and do it before Monday morning."_

_Ziva simply glared at Jethro and he looked mostly at the floor. She knew in her soul that he loved her and would love their child so she was mightily confused by his reaction to her pregnancy. She was also very stubborn and proud and would not give in to the urge she felt to simply reach out and touch him and say she was sorry for whatever her part was in this fiasco. _

_Jethro was equally stubborn and proud and also very ashamed of how he had reacted to the announcement that he was to be a father again. In truth he was very happy about Ziva being pregnant and was somewhat surprised by the way he had handled the news. Now though he felt trapped and was too damned stubborn and scared to apologize. No one scared Jethro like Ziva did. Not because she could kill him a hundred different ways but because he loved her so much and knew if he ever lost her he wouldn't survive. And now she was bringing a child into the mix and the old failures and fears were coming back to haunt him. _

_When neither of them spoke after a reasonable time, Ducky spoke again. "Jethro would you like to begin?"_

"_Not here Duck. At home would be better." Having said that he finally looked at Ziva and hoped she would agree to come home._

"_Whose home? I am currently sleeping on Abby's couch. I do not have a home at the moment." She knew she was being a bitch but she just couldn't help herself._

"_You have a home with me and you know it. Don't be so damned stubborn! Why can't you come home so we can talk this out?"_

"_Me be stubborn! Look who's talking! You are the most stubborn, infuriating, difficult man I have ever known. If you want to talk to me you know where I am."_

_With that she marched out of autopsy and left Ducky and Jethro standing there alone. Ducky just shook his head and poking his finger in Jethro's chest he said, "You need to fix this! This is all on you my friend and don't try and tell me it isn't. For god's sake Jethro you want this child why don't you tell her that? Why are you making this so difficult?"_

"_She walked out Duck. She left the house and hasn't been back. Why is it all on me?"_

"_You practically told her to get out and don't deny it. Your pride is getting in the way of the best thing to happen to you in a very long time. You love this woman! I can't for the life of me figure out what you are doing Jethro. Are you intentionally sabotaging this?"_

_Jethro didn't answer but began shifting his feet and looking very uncomfortable. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He refused to meet his friend's gaze._

"_That's it isn't it? But why, Jethro? Do you truly not want this child?"_

_In a very subdued voice Jethro replied, "I want the baby and I want Ziva. We said we'd wait because I figure she'll leave eventually and I can't lose another child, Duck. I just can't."_

"_Oh Jethro, you give yourself and Ziva too little credit. She has no intention of leaving you even now. She loves you and wants to be with you and have this child with you. You are who she will always want my friend and I think you should learn to accept that. To do otherwise is a great injustice to her. And to yourself."_

"_You sound pretty sure of yourself Duck. I wish I could be so sure."_

"_You can if you will trust yourself and trust Ziva. Go on Jethro, go find her and fix this."_

_Jethro left the Navy Yard and drove home but he just sat in the driveway. He didn't want to go in because without Ziva the house was much too empty. He had lived alone for many years and thought he was okay with that but once Ziva moved in he realized how lonely and quiet his house had been. Now it was full of subtle, female touches and flowers on the table and delicious aromas. There was music and laughter and love where none had been for too long. At least there was until he lost his mind and pushed Ziva away. He sat in the car and brooded for almost an hour until Abby appeared and slid into the passenger seat. _

"_Gibbs you need to get you ass in gear and go get Ziva and apologize for whatever you did and bring her home where she belongs. You two are screwing up something wonderful and I won't stand for it. I love you and I love Ziva and if you don't fix this I won't ever speak to you again. I mean it. Ziva cannot stay on my couch forever. You love her. You know it and I know it and so does everyone else. Whatever you did or said or failed to do or say you need to get over there and make it right. I know she can be difficult but so what. So are you. Yes, I told her all this same stuff. She's at my house right now miserable and sad and very much in need of what only you can give her. Now, I'm getting out and going to Tim's and when I get home later I expect my houseguest to be back where she belongs; in this house, with you. Do I make myself clear? Good."_

_Abby didn't give him time to respond she just got out and drove away. Jethro sat in his car for another five minutes then pulled himself together and went to Abby's. Without hesitating he knocked on the door. Whatever it took he was prepared to say it or do it or give it up. He just wanted Ziva to come home. He was a little bit surprised when she opened the door._

"_May I come in?"_

"_Abby went to see you?"_

"_Yeah. Can we talk, please."_

"_Yes, come and sit down."_

_They sat on the couch and looked at each other without touching or speaking for a long few minutes. Finally, Ziva began._

"_Can you tell me why you are so upset about me being pregnant?"_

"_I can try. I'm not upset about a baby. I want the baby, no question about that. I was surprised of course and I know I didn't handle it the right way. I love you Zi and I want you to come home. I'm sorry for the things I said. I was just thrown because we had never talked about having a child together."_

"_Maybe we should talk about it now."_

"_Kinda late isn't it?" _

"_Perhaps. Do you want to talk about it anyway? You and I don't have to stay together just because of a baby."_

"_Whoa. Stop right there. I have no intention of letting you go Zi. I love you and I want this child. What are you not understanding when I say I want the baby? Why are you even suggesting we not stay together?"_

"_I saw the look on your face when I told you I was pregnant. It was not happiness I saw there. You are under a lot of pressure from Ducky and Abby to come and fix this but I need to know what you truly feel. I need to know what caused that stricken look on your face when I told you there was a baby on the way."_

_Jethro got up and paced around the room. Ziva knew about Shannon and Kelly and his divorces. He had no secrets from her. It surprised him that she couldn't figure this out herself but maybe she needed to hear him say it. _

"_Why do you think I never had another child with my ex-wives?"_

"_I haven't thought about it. Why didn't you?"_

"_Because I couldn't risk losing another child. I didn't want to fail another child. When you said we were having a baby all I could think about was, what if I screw this up? What if I let another child die? I have protected myself from that particular hell for a long time and when you said you were pregnant I suddenly had no more protection."_

_Ziva was stunned into silence. All she could think of was that she should have known; she should have understood this was all about Kelly. Now it all made terrible, heartbreaking sense. She got up and went to him and wrapped herself around him._

"_I am so very sorry, Jethro. I should have seen that. I should have figured it out myself. Please forgive my stupidity."_

"_Nothing to forgive, Zi. I should have told you sooner. Right then in fact. Can we please go home? I don't like it there without you."_

"_Give me five minutes to gather my things. I love you."_

Tali was stirring and Jethro snapped out of his dream. He had fallen asleep in the chair and his neck was stiff. He rubbed Tali's back and kissed her. She rolled over and hugged her favorite bear; sound asleep again. Jethro got up and went back to his own room. He thought about his conversation with Ziva. He knew he would forgive her and welcome her back home. Maybe he gave in too easily but there was no sense in kidding himself or Ziva. He loved her and had already had too many failures in the marriage department. He wasn't going to have another and he sure as hell wasn't going to lose another child. No, he would take Ziva back and they would work out their differences and life would go on. There would be an understanding though that this couldn't happen again.

For the next several days things went on as they had been. Jethro didn't tell Tali her mother had called because she didn't ask and he didn't know how to explain why her mom didn't call to talk to her. The team caught a bad case mid-week and Tali spent two nights with Helen while Jethro was out of town. His mood was marginally better but everyone still gave him a wide berth. By late Friday the case was all but over and Jethro sent his team home for the weekend. He went down to autopsy to have a drink with Ducky before heading home.

"Have you heard from Ziva?"

"Not since last Friday night. She called from London."

"What in the world is she doing there?"

"Hunting I believe. She didn't go into detail. Partly Mossad business and partly personal she said. I think she's been planning this for a while. That's what she was hiding from me."

"What are you going to do?"

"Not much choice. Wait for her to come home."

"Jethro, I know how you feel about secrets and lies. How do you see this working itself out?"

"I'm not sure, Duck. She said she's sorry and wants our life together and I said I forgive her and want her to come home."

"But…"

"But I won't put up with this again. I don't want her running around doing Eli's dirty work. That shit can follow you home and I won't live like that and certainly won't put Tali in the middle of it."

"When is she coming back?"

"She said two weeks at the most."

Just then Jethro's phone buzzed. He didn't recognize the number.

"Yeah Gibbs."

"Agent Gibbs, this is Helen's daughter-in-law. There's been an accident. Helen and Tali are at Washington Trauma Center."

"I'm on my way."

He was on his way out the door and called back to Ducky. "Tali's been hurt. Washington Trauma."

"I'll be right behind you." Ducky grabbed his hat and coat and followed Jethro to the parking garage.

TBC

A/N: I know, cliffhanger. Be patient. More tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and alerts or as we're calling them now, followings. This is kinda short but that's just where the break came. More tomorrow.

**I Need You**

Chapter 4

Jethro took an agency car and had the lights and sirens on as he pulled out of the lot. His mind was racing and he could barely breathe. There was a knot in his stomach and he kept saying over and over again, No, no, no.

When he got to the emergency entrance he quickly parked and ran inside. There were cops standing to the side talking to a distraught young woman Jethro recognized as Julie Reynolds. He went over and she stepped away from the policemen to talk to him.

"Someone ran a stop sign and hit Helen's car. They were on their way to your house. I don't know much more."

Jethro gave her hand a squeeze and stepped to the nurse's desk. "My daughter was brought in a while ago. I need to see her. Tali Gibbs. Car accident."

"Mr. Gibbs come with me."

The way she spoke to him filled Jethro was dread. He glanced back at Julie then followed the nurse down the hall. She led him into a trauma room where several doctors were gathered around his little girl. Tali wasn't moving and Jethro had to lean on the end of the table to keep from falling down. He had never known such pure terror in his life.

One of the doctors took him by the arm and turned him around. "Your daughter is unconscious but she is breathing on her own. She appears to have some internal bleeding and possibly a head injury from the collision. We need to do a CT scan and she will most likely need surgery. There are papers you need to sign but come and see her first."

The young doctor led Jethro to the bedside and he leaned down and spoke quietly to Tali.

"Daddy's here baby. You're going to be fine."

Jethro couldn't stop the tears and didn't care who saw them. He brushed Tali's hair back and wrapped her hand around his finger. She didn't move and Jethro was terrified to let her out of his sight but the doctor came back and said they needed to take her for the CT.

"Come with us." The doctor indicated for Jethro to stay with Tali and they all moved to the elevator.

"What about the woman she was with?"

"She had some minor cuts and a concussion and burns from the airbag but she'll be fine. The impact was on the passenger side which is why your daughter was more seriously injured."

Jethro was relieved to hear Helen was alright. He kept his eyes on Tali and willed her to be okay.

Once the CT was done the doctors took Tali to surgery and Jethro was left alone in the waiting room. Ducky arrived about ten minutes later.

"Helen is fine Jethro. I saw her downstairs. Her daughter-in-law it taking her home. She asked me to tell you how sorry she is this happened."

"Not her fault. I need to call Ziva."

"Yes, of course. Go in that room across the hall and use the phone in there. Much better than a cell phone in here."

Jethro stepped across the hall into a private waiting room and called Ziva's cell phone. After what seemed like twenty rings she finally answered.

"Hello, who is this."

"It's me, Ziver. Tali's in the hospital. You need to come home."

"What? Jethro, what happened. What's wrong with her?"

She was frantic and Jethro could hear the near panic in her voice. "Helen was bringing her home and some idiot ran a stop sign and hit them. Tali's in surgery right now. She's unconscious. You need to come home now."

Ziva was having difficulty processing what Jethro was telling her. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. The idea of her precious baby hurt and in an operating room was physically painful. It was the worst possible time for him to be telling her to come home. They were just hours from closing in on their quarry and Ziva needed all her concentration to complete their mission successfully.

"Zi are you there? Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"Yes, I am here. I am just trying to catch my breath. What kind of surgery and what are they telling you?"

"She's been unconscious since they got her to hospital. They did a CT of her head but I don't know what they found. She has some internal bleeding and that's why the surgery. When can you get a flight?"

"I don't know. Jethro we are hours from getting the people we've been after for years. I can't leave Michael here alone to finish this."

"What? Ziva your child is in the hospital. She's hurt. I don't give a damn about Michael or whoever you're hunting. Tell Eli to send someone else."

Ziva took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She knew what she was going to say next could very well spell the end of her marriage and all the dreams she had for a life with Jethro and their child.

"Jethro, I know you do not understand at the moment, but I have to finish this. It is just a few more hours and then I can come home for good. It might not matter anyway depending on when I can get a flight. I will be there as soon as I can after I take care of this matter."

Jethro could hardly believe what he was hearing. He paused and tried to keep his emotions under control. Finally he spoke. His tone was deadly serious and very calm. It scared Ziva much more than if he had been yelling.

"Ziva, you are making a mistake. You come home now, as soon as you can or don't bother to come at all. I will not forgive you choosing your damned mission over our daughter. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

"Yes, I understand but I am asking you to think about what you are saying. Do not do this Jethro. Not over a few hours time."

"It's not the time, Ziva, it's the choice you're making. Washington Trauma Center is where we are. I hope you will choose wisely."

Jethro hung up and stared blankly at the wall. He could not believe what had just happened. He knew Ziva would complete her mission before coming home. He realized he had just effectively ended his marriage unless he backed off what he'd told her. And Jethro Gibbs was not known for backing off anything.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and alerts or as we're calling them now, followings.

**I Need You**

Chapter 5

Across the Atlantic Ziva closed her phone and stared out the window of the dingy hotel room she and Michael Rivkin had been sharing for the past ten days. She knew Michael was looking at her and thought he might even be talking to her but she couldn't focus on him. All she could hear was Jethro's voice telling her their daughter was hurt and then telling her their life together was over unless she stopped what she was doing right now and went home. She couldn't do that. And yet how could she not? She rubbed her hands over her face and looked at Michael finally acknowledging he was asking her what was going on.

Ziva told Michael what had happened. The two of them had been partners for years before Ziva left Israel to work at NCIS. They had once been lovers but that ended when she went to America and Michael now had a longstanding relationship with a beautiful, intelligent, loving woman in Haifa. They were very happy and Ziva was thrilled for them. Michael was someone she trusted and he felt the same about her. He knew her being on this mission was causing her problems at home but he respected her privacy and didn't pry for details. Now though things had changed. He worried Ziva would not be able to concentrate on the mission after hearing the news about her child. And the ultimatum from her husband.

"Ziva, maybe Agent Gibbs is right. You should go be with Tali. I can finish this myself."

"Do not be ridiculous, Michael. If this was a one man job we would not be here together. Tali is in a hospital getting the best care possible and Jethro will not leave her side. We can finish this mission in a few hours and then, I promise you, I will be on the first plane to the States."

"But what about his demand that you come now or not come at all?"

"He will calm down. He is just frightened about Tali and still angry at me for being gone so long. Jethro will understand about the mission when it is over and I can explain everything to him. Do not worry, we will be fine."

Ziva tried to sound sure of herself but she had her doubts. She had never heard Jethro so angry at her and she was afraid, because he rarely backed down, that he would not change his mind. She would worry about that later. Now she had to focus on the two terrorists she and Michael had tracked from Israel to Paris to London. If she screwed up now she or Michael could be killed and that would definitely not be good.

"We will make sure these two dirt bags are taken care of this evening and then I will go home. Right Michael?"

"Right Ziva."

They went about their planned routine and in two hours they were in place; waiting on their prey. The men they were hunting had killed many innocent people in Israel with their bombs and had almost killed Eli David several months ago. Tonight Ziva and Rivkin were going to put all that to an end. They were safely hidden outside the apartment the two men were using and when the men returned they would follow them into the apartment and kill them. They had planned this down to the minute and both were satisfied they would accomplish their mission tonight. Now all they had to do was wait.

Ziva took advantage of the waiting time to call Jethro. He didn't answer. Maybe he's in with Tali she told herself and didn't want to disturb her. Ziva decided to call Ducky.

"Hello, Dr. Mallard here."

"Ducky, it's Ziva."

"Oh, my dear how are you?"

"Fine. I called Jethro but he did not answer. How is Tali?"

"She came through the surgery very well. She had some internal bleeding, nothing too serious although serious enough. She is not awake yet which is a bit troubling but the doctors say they are not concerned yet."

"Not awake? You mean she is in a coma?"

"Well, yes my dear I'm afraid so. There does not appear to be any brain damage; no fractures or the like but still, she is not awake."

"Why? Was she in her car seat? What happened?"

"Yes, she was in the car seat. Otherwise I'm afraid it would have been much worse. They don't know why right now. She is doing fine by all other accounts, Ziva. I'm sure she will be alright."

"Ducky, how is Jethro handling this? He must be quite frightened for Tali."

"Yes, he is. He won't say so of course but I know he's thinking about Kelly. He hasn't left Tali's side since she came out of surgery."

"Ducky, he and I had a terrible conversation on the phone. He was very, very upset and said some things I am afraid he will…Anyway, please tell him I called and I love him and Tali very much. I should be able to leave here in less than six hours. I know it is not as soon as he wanted but it is the best I can do. Please, Ducky, make him understand I love him and I am sorry I cannot be there right now. Take care of him Ducky. I know he is scared."

"I will Ziva. I don't know what he said to you but remember he was very worried about Tali."

"I understand but I also know he rarely goes back on his word. I cannot think about that right now. If he will not tell Tali I love her will you please tell her for me?"

"Of course, my dear. But I'm sure Jethro will do so. Be safe Ziva."

"I will. Thank you Ducky."

As soon as she hung up she called her father in Tal Aviv.

"Father, I need a favor."

"Ziva what is wrong? You sound upset. Is everything going as planned?"

"With the mission yes. We should complete it in a few hours at the most. Father, Tali has been in an accident. She is in a coma. I need to get home as soon as Michael and I are finished tonight. Can you get me a plane?"

"Slow down Ziva. What kind of accident and how badly is Tali hurt?"

"I do not know much more than I have told you. It was a car wreck with her nanny. She has some internal injuries and had surgery which went fine. But she has not awakened. Dr. Mallard said they are not too worried but still…."

"You should go now, Ziva."

"No! Michael and I have worked too hard and are too close to completing our business here. Jethro is there and I will go as soon as we finish. Can you get me a plane?"

"Yes, a jet will be waiting for you at Heathrow in two hours. They will wait as long as they need to. I want you to call me when you and Michael are finished."

"Of course. Thank you father. Shalom."

"Be careful Ziva. Shalom."

Ziva filled Michael in on what Ducky had said and on the fact that her father was getting her a plane to get home. Then they settled down to wait.

An hour later Jethro's phone vibrated in his pocket. He answered without noticing the caller id.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Agent Gibbs, Eli David. How is Tali?"

"She's in a coma. Did Ziva call you?"

"Yes. What else can you tell me?"

Jethro wanted to say he could tell him as much as Eli had told him about where Ziva was but he knew that would not help anything. And, he knew Eli loved Tali.

"Her nanny was taking her home and a guy ran a stop sign and hit Tali's side of the car. She had some internal injuries and had surgery but that is all fine. She is in a coma. The doctors don't seem to know why. They think she will wake up pretty soon."

"I am sorry Jethro. I know this must be very difficult for you considering your loss of your first daughter. And, the fact that Ziva is not there. There will be a jet waiting for her as soon as she is finished with her business in London she will be on her way. I am sorry to have kept her away so long."

"Ziva makes her own choices, Eli. I don't agree with what she's been doing or at least the way she's gone about it. She needs to be here."

"I understand. She will be there as soon as possible. I would like to come myself when Tali is better, if you do not mind and if I can arrange it."

"You're welcome anytime Eli. Tali is your granddaughter after all. Thank you for calling. And thank you for the plane. Ziva or I will let you know when Tali wakes up. Good night."

"Thank you, Jethro. Shalom."

An hour later Jethro was sitting beside his daughter's hospital bed silently asking God to let her wake up. Tali was still in a coma and the doctors still told him she would most likely wake up on her own. They urged him to be patient. Not something he was particularly good at. Ducky came in the room and handed Jethro a cup of coffee.

"Thanks Duck."

"Any change?"

"No."

"Have you heard from Ziva?"

"No. Eli called. He has a plane standing by for her whenever she decides to come home." His voice was filled with bitterness and pain.

"Jethro, you are the last person I would expect to so easily disregard a mission in favor of personal interest. You have to know Ziva would be here if it was possible. Whatever she is doing is obviously important or she would not have gone in the first place."

"I can't believe you're defending her, Duck."

"Jethro, you and Ziva are two sides of the same coin. You are both fiercely loyal and dedicated to your jobs. You each want to protect the other and you both know nothing is guaranteed in this life. Do not jump to any conclusions and do not say things to her that you will regret. I am telling you this as someone who loves both of you. Give her the benefit of the doubt if that's what you want to call it but don't shut her out."

Jethro just rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. He was so damned worried about Ziva he could barely stand it. On top of that he was scared spitless about Tali. He felt so helpless and frustrated he wanted to hit something.

"I don't know what to do anymore Duck. I want my child to wake up and I want my wife home. But to be frank, Ziva is the one who has been shutting me out in the last few months. Maybe it's all tied to this mission but I worry that it's not."

"What do you mean shutting you out?"

"She seems to be spending more time working than at home. We used to spend all our free time together but lately we don't. I can't really explain it but I feel like something's wrong. I know she loves Tali but sometimes I wonder if she regrets getting tied down to a family."

"You can't be serious, Jethro. I have never seen Ziva happier than she has been since you two got together. It is obvious she adores Tali and I know she loves you. I don't believe she regrets being with you at all."

"Then why in the hell is she gone to Israel or London or wherever without even discussing it with me? Why doesn't she call to at least let me know she's alright?"

"Obviously I don't know the answers to those questions but when she gets home and Tali is better you need to sit down and talk about all this. You have to let her know what her being gone has meant to you. Will you be able to tell her that without blowing up?"

"I hope so. I don't want to lose her Duck but since I don't know what's causing our problem I don't know how to fix it."

"Talk to her and then listen to what she says. Maybe there is something going on she doesn't know how to tell you. Maybe she needs your support and doesn't know how to ask for it. Just give yourselves a chance Jethro, if there is something that needs fixing do it together."

"How could she just go off and leave Tali like she did? I would never have left Kelly if I hadn't had orders. Doesn't she understand her child needs her? I need her?"

"I'm quite sure she does but she also knows Tali has you and you are a very competent father. Have you told her how you feel? Not what you want but what you feel?"

"Probably not clearly enough. And Tali needs a mom too not just me."

"And she has one. Ziva has only been gone a few weeks Jethro. There are thousands of children waiting for a parent to come home from the war. Your own child waited for you to come home many times. I know this is somewhat different because of the secrecy involved but in many ways it is the same. You love Ziva, I know you do. So, I say again, don't say things in the heat of the moment that you will regret when things cool down."

"Too late."

"Oh dear. What have you done?"

"I told Ziva if she didn't come home right away she didn't need to come home at all."

Ducky looked at his friend and shook his head. He had known Jethro for such a long time and he had seen him through some difficult times. The joy of watching the blossoming of the relatonship between Jethro and Ziva had been wonderful. He knew they would have their moments; they were both very strong willed people, but he also knew they had a strong foundation on which to build a life together. When Tali came into their lives he had seen Jethro take a new lease on life.

"Well, that is certainly a strong statement. I assume you don't really mean that."

"I did when I said it. I know I can't keep Ziva away from Tali. Hell, I don't want to do that but I think Ziva needs to choose whether she wants to be with us or continue to do her father's bidding."

"Maybe you could give Ziva a chance to tell you what's she been doing and why. You know very well she loves you and Tali. But, she also loves her father and has a certain degree of loyalty to him, to Mossad and to Israel that you cannot expect her to ignore. What would you do for your father, Jethro?"

"Probably about anything he asked."

"So, let Ziva tell you what she's been doing. Let her see and hear what her being gone has meant for you. Then, maybe if there is a next time, she will be more open with you."

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and alerts or as we're calling them now, followings. Two more chapters after this one.

**I Need You**

Chapter 6

Jethro just nodded and went back to watching Tali. The hours slowly passed but nothing changed. He got up and moved around in the small room but refused to leave his daughter in case she woke up. He didn't want her to be alone when she did. Each of his team came by and offered their support. Tony brought a pizza and some decent coffee. While Abby was there Jethro took some time to walk outside and get some fresh air. He called his father and told him what was happening. Jack offered to come down but Jethro suggested he wait until Tali woke up. After about twenty minutes Jethro went back to Tali's room and continued his vigil. He sent Abby home and settled down for the night.

After everyone was gone, Jethro read Tali some stories and talked to her about everything he could think of. He told her how much he loved her and what they were going to do when she got well. He talked about Ziva and told her how much her mom loved her. There was no indication Tali heard him but Jethro knew on some level she was probably aware of his voice. He could vaguely remember being aware of people talking to him when he was unconscious after being shot or blown up so he kept talking even when it didn't seem to matter. Finally, about midnight Jethro crawled up onto the bed and fell asleep cradling his little girl close to his side.

Several hours later Ziva crept silently into the room and stood looking at her child snuggled up tightly with her daddy. The tears she had refused to shed since Jethro called could no longer be held at bay. She didn't even try to stop them she just stood there silently crying. Wiping her tears away Ziva stepped up close to the bed and carefully, so as not to startle him, laid her hand on Jethro's arm. Then she leaned down and kissed Tali on the forehead. Jethro opened his eyes to see his wife right there, right in front of his face, kissing Tali. Without thinking he reached for Ziva and pulled her to him. He kissed her and she wrapped her left arm around him in a tight hug. For a few minutes the little family stayed just like that; Tali and Jethro on the bed and Ziva leaning over them holding them close.

"I love you Jethro."

"I know you do. I love you Zi. I'm glad you're here."

Ziva stood back and looked at Tali. She stroked her daughter's face and brushed her fingers through the child's thick, curly hair.

"Tali, baby mommy is home. Time to wake up and let me see you. I love you Tali."

Jethro slipped off the bed and stood behind Ziva listening to her talk to their daughter. For the first time he noticed the bandage on her right forearm. He turned her around so he could look at her closely. There was an ugly bruise on her right cheekbone. He reached out and touched it gently with his finger tips.

"Anything else I need to know about Zi? Injuries I mean."

"No, just these two. I am fine, Jethro. Tell me what they are saying about Tali."

Ziva turned back to Tali and began rubbing her arm and gently touching her all over. Jethro told her what the doctor had last said to him. Ziva began talking to Tali again and Jethro stood watching and listening. He was sure Tali would wake up now that Ziva was back. Ziva sat down in the chair next to the bed and began singing a lullaby to Tali. Jethro stepped out of the room to stretch his legs and try to get his emotions in order.

Seeing Ziva for the first time in almost a month had been wonderful. He almost forgot he was angry with her. Watching her with Tali he knew he had no right to even threaten to keep her away. Now all he had to do was figure out how to get Ziva to talk to him and then keep his marriage from following the path all his others had taken. That would have to wait though because he was so tired tonight he could barely think straight and he wanted to save what little energy he had for Tali. Jethro realized he'd been wandering the hospital for almost an hour so he headed back to his daughter's room. As he got to the end of the hall his phone began vibrating and at the same time he saw two nurses going into Tali's room. He pulled the phone out but kept walking or rather sprinting to the room. The call was from Ziva so he ignored it and burst into the room.

"Daddy! Look, mommy came home."

Jethro stopped dead in his tracks and looked at his precious child awake and holding her arms out to him. He glanced over at Ziva who was on the far side of the bed tears streaming down her face as she smiled at him.

"Hey baby. I missed you."

Jethro carefully held Tali in his arms and kissed her cheek. The doctor walked in the room and the nurses quickly brought him up-to-date on Tali's waking up.

"Mrs. Gibbs, I'm glad you made it in time for this happy moment. Can you tell me how Tali woke up?"

"I was talking to her about her father and she began moving her hands and then her eyes fluttered open for just a moment. I thought she was going back to sleep so I leaned down and spoke directly to her telling her to wake up and she did."

"Did she recognize you right away?"

"Yes, she said hi mommy and smiled at me. It was the best sound and the best smile I have ever seen."

"I imagine it was. Agent Gibbs if you could lay Tali down I'd like to check her over and then we will leave you three alone."

Jethro carefully laid Tali back on the bed. The doctor did a quick exam of her breathing, listened to her heart and asked her a few simple questions. Tali answered everything perfectly.

"She appears to be fine. Of course she is still recovering from the surgery so she will need to stay here another day or maybe two. Dr. Thompson will evaluate that tomorrow. From a neurological standpoint she seems in good shape. Just let the nurses know if there are any changes. Congratulations."

"Thank you doctor."

The doctor and nurses left them finally and it was just the three of them in the room. Ziva sat on the side of the bed and leaned down to kiss Tali on the forehead.

"I am so glad you are better Tali. Mommy missed you very much. Were you a good girl for daddy while I was gone?"

"Sure. We had fun but I'm glad you came home. Is grandpa Eli better?"

Ziva looked over at Jethro and he just shrugged. "Yes, grandpa is fine now just like you. I think he wants to come visit soon. Would you like that?"

"Yeah, I hope he comes. I want to go home daddy."

"She sounds just like you Jethro."

"You can go home in a day or two. We have to wait for the doctor to say it's okay.

"Okay."

"Tali, daddy is going to go home for a while but mom will stay with you. Okay?"

"Okay. Can I have Beary?"

"Sure, I'll bring her back. And some stories?"

"Yes, stories."

Jethro kissed Tali goodbye and started for the door. Ziva stood up and told Tali she would be right back. She followed Jethro out into the hall.

"Jethro, please do not shut me out."

"Ziva, I'm just going home to take a shower. I've been here since the accident. I'm tired and I need some time."

Ziva reached for his hand and stopped him. "We need to talk I know that. I want to explain about this mission. Please give me a chance to make things right between us."

"It's not just the mission, Zi. It's the last few months. You are the one who has been shutting me out, pulling away from me. But, you're right, we need to talk. When Tali comes home we will make whatever time we need. I love you Ziva but I won't tolerate secrets between us."

"I know Jethro. I want to come home and have our life back."

"We can work on it. I need to go Zi. I'll be back before I go to work."

Jethro walked out of the hospital and realized it was almost dawn. He hated to leave Tali but he knew she was in good hands with her mom there. Besides he had told the truth when he said he needed some time. He needed time to think and decide what he wanted to say to Ziva. He knew he wanted her back home with them but somehow he had to make her understand what her leaving had meant.

When it came to catching bad guys and getting justice for the victims of horrible crimes Jethro had no equal. He wasn't afraid of anything he faced in the field. If the situation called for force he was willing to use it but he never did if it wasn't necessary. Agent Gibbs was legendary at NCIS for his team's closure rate and well as his unorthodox methods. He had driven more than one director to brink of early retirement.

For all his strengths as a Federal Agent, he had one glaring weakness in his personal life. Jethro was a man of action and not words. Somehow he had managed to persuade multiple women to marry him including of course, Ziva. He had definitely not TALKED them into marriage. He had other, much more effective methods of persuasion. Now though he knew he needed to be able to tell his wife how he felt when she was gone and what her keeping secrets from him had meant. He thought back to how he had kept the existence of Shannon and Kelly from his wives and friends for so long. With Ziva that had never been an issue because she knew about them when they met. He believed that secret had been the cause of his failed relationships beginning with Jenny and including all three of his ex-wives and several girlfriends. Secrets were definitely taboo in his mind and he would have thought Ziva knew that. Whatever her motivation he intended to be very clear with her that he couldn't abide by her keeping things from him in the future.

While Jethro was on his way home, Ziva sat with Tali and told her stories until she fell asleep. Ziva sat on the bed and watched her daughter sleep and said many prayers of thanks for Tali waking up and being alright. Knowing her child was going to be fine gave Ziva a chance to let her mind wander to the state of her marriage. She knew Jethro was hurt and angry about her being gone but more so for not telling him what was going on for the past few months. She wasn't sure how she was going to explain herself and more importantly what the outcome would be when she did. All she knew for sure was that she loved him with all her heart and wanted to be with him and their daughter.

She was exhausted and as she watched Tali sleep she found herself getting very drowsy. She laid down next to Tali holding her as Jethro had done earlier and soon she was fast asleep and dreaming about how wonderful it had been to discover Jethro loved her as much as she loved him and had wanted her almost as long she had him.

_They had been secretly seeing each other for about a month when Jethro took her to his cabin in the mountains of West Virginia. After weeks of sneaking around and hiding their feelings at work it was a huge relief to be away from anyone who knew them. They could hold hands if they wanted to, kiss whenever they felt like it and let the love that was growing between them be on constant display. From the moment Jethro picked her up at her apartment that Friday night their time together was a dream come true for Ziva. Later she would come to understand it was the same for Jethro. _

_The rustic cabin Jethro owned was the perfect setting for a romantic getaway. They spent hours hiking and enjoying the beautiful weather that weekend. Of course they also spent hours making love and getting to know each other in the most intimate of ways. Ziva was not surprised by Jethro as a lover but was certainly delighted by him. While he was definitely a traditionalist in many aspects of his life he was very much open minded when it came to pleasing his lover and letting her please him. Sometimes he was so gentle and attentive to her it stopped her heart. Other times he had her struggling to take a breath as her heart raced and her mind turned to mush. As a lover, Special Agent Gibbs certainly surpassed all her expectations and put her old daydreams to shame. _

_Ziva had a few tricks of her own and she had reduced him to begging more than once that weekend. Saturday night she had some how gotten him to agree to let her undress him while he was not allowed to touch her. It had been the most exquisite torture for Jethro and a very definite turn on for Ziva. She had several candles burning when he came into the bedroom that night and she promised to rock his world if he could manage to keep his hands to himself until she gave him the okay to touch. He agreed and it was one of the most difficult things he had ever done. _

_Standing at the end of the bed, Jethro could smell the scent of Ziva's body lotion and knew from recent experience just how soft and smooth her skin would feel; if only he could touch her. Ziva was wearing a silky blue something and he longed to get her out of it. She began her torture by very slowly unbuttoning each button on his shirt and Jethro very quickly wished he had been wearing a sweatshirt instead. It would have been much quicker. After each button was undone Ziva leaned in and kissed the newly revealed skin. Once she was finished with the shirt buttons she spent a few minutes running her hands over his chest, kissing him there and finally nipping and licking his nipples. When he groaned and his hands began to move involuntarily Ziva threatened handcuffs so he managed to control himself-barely. _

_Finally she took his shirt off completely and tossed it on a chair. Then she turned him to face the mirror on the wall opposite the bed and slipped around behind him. She reached around his waist to unbutton and unzip his jeans. Very slowly she brought her hands away from his pants and ran her nail up his sides and across his chest while she dropped kisses all across his shoulders and back. When her hands came back down to his pants she carefully pushed his jeans down and had the delightful surprise of finding he was going commando._

"_Surprised?"_

"_Yes, and very pleased as well."_

"_Standard practice on vacation. Just so you know."_

"_Then I look forward to many more vacations."_

_For what seemed to Jethro a very long time they stood there looking at each other in the mirror. He was definitely aroused and wanted her in the worst way but he was determined to let her have whatever she wanted tonight. _

"_Can you guess what I want now, Jethro?"_

"_Whatever it is Ziva I want you to have it but I warn you, I need to touch you pretty damn soon." _

_By the time he finished that sentence Ziva was on her knees in front of him and he had his hands in her hair holding on for dear life. The sensations she was creating were sending his system into overdrive and when he stole a glance in the mirror he knew image he saw there would stay with him forever. _

"_Damn Zi!" His breath was harsh and he could barely get her name out._

_Ziva looked up at him, her tongue still swirling around his tip, "Yes, Jethro?"_

"_You better stop."_

"_Not yet. Hold on baby." _

_With that she took him in her mouth again and the blessed torture continued. Just when he thought he couldn't hold back a second longer Ziva replaced her mouth with her hand and backed him down just enough that he could gain some small measure of control. Then she stood up and pulled her negligee over her head letting it drop carelessly on the floor._

"_Now you may touch me."_

_And he did. Somehow he resisted throwing her on the bed and ravishing her but he couldn't resist touching her, tasting her and marking her as his very own. Their lovemaking that night went on and on as they took each other to the brink and then backed off. By the time Jethro finally entered her and began driving them both to climax Ziva thought she was going to die of the need she had for him. _

"_I swear to god, Jethro if you don't…..Oh…yes, thank you god."_

_Jethro would have responded with some snarkey comment about her calling him god but he could barely think much less form a sentence, he was operating on pure instinct and need at that point. He had never wanted a woman as much as he did Ziva. It was so much more than wanting sex with her; he wanted everything with her, every inch of her delicious skin, every ounce of her strength and he wanted to give her all of himself. He tried to show her all that with his actions because he sure as hell didn't know how to tell her. _

_After that weekend alone it was even harder for them to keep their secret. Somehow they had managed for another five months although judging from the reactions they got from the team when they finally let them in on the situation, it wasn't as much a secret as they had hoped. And then just six short months later Ziva was pregnant and they faced their first real crisis together. _

Tali began stirring and Ziva was immediately awake. She got off the bed and rubbed Tali's back until she settled back to sleep. Ziva went into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She hadn't slept much in the past week and she knew she looked a mess. She looked at her watch and saw it was four in the morning. Her internal clock was so messed up from all her traveling and the stress she wasn't sure what her body needed more, sleep or food or a shower. She decided on a shower so she got her pack and took it back into the bathroom with her and turned on the shower.

Standing under the hot spray Ziva contemplated what to do about Jethro. She knew she loved him and wanted to be with him forever. And of course she wanted to be with Tali. So what was the problem? Ziva knew she had been distancing herself from Jethro the last few months but she wasn't sure how to explain what she had been feeling. Their first year together had been wonderful and exciting and everything they did was a "first". Then most of their second year she was pregnant and they had struggled together through the initial difficulty of that and come out just fine. When Tali was born they were on cloud nine for months. Jethro was a wonderful support to her when she questioned her abilities as a mom. And, he was a very good father.

Ziva went back to work when Tali was four months old and Helen became their nanny and housekeeper at that point. Instead of going back on Jethro's team Ziva went back as a consultant and linguist so she did very little field work which pleased Jethro no end. It took her a while to get used to being in an office most of the day but Ziva was eventually very pleased with her new post. She spent a lot of time working with the director on overseas issues so she had her hand in a lot of interesting cases. When Jethro had a particularly difficult or complicated case he often asked her opinion so they still worked together on occasion. All in all her work life was going very well. The issues Ziva was struggling with were definitely personal, not professional.

Although very capable as an agent and field operative Ziva found she lacked confidence as a mother and sometimes even as a wife. All her life she had been devoted to a world of secrets and violence. Rarely was love part of her equation; especially after the deaths of her mother and little sister. When she and Jethro became a couple she learned what it meant to really love someone and to be loved in return. With Tali she realized an even more powerful, all encompassing love both for her child and in return from the child. Sometimes it still surprised her to be loved by these two people.

Feeling much better after a long hot shower Ziva sat by Tali's bed and counted her blessings as she watched her precious child sleeping. The shower had not only cleansed her body but somehow her mind as well. Maybe it was all the steam or maybe just the time to be quiet and let her mind be open but whatever it was Ziva knew what she needed to say to Jethro. She finally understood what she had been feeling for months and why she had been slowly pulling away from him. Now all she needed to do was get some alone time with him and try to make him understand.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and alerts or as we're calling them now, followings. One more chapter after this one.

**I Need You**

Chapter 7

The next several days were taken up with Tali going home from the hospital and Ziva getting reacquainted with her and their routines. It felt like she had been gone much longer than a month. Jethro and his team had been working a case since Ziva came home so they had not seen much of each other. In fact they had yet to sleep in the same bed and it was now five days since Ziva had gotten back.

Jethro had been coming home very late if at all and when he did sleep at home it was on the couch in the living room or in the basement. Ziva was desperate to talk to him not to mention touch him and kiss him and so many other things. They had very little conversation and even less physical contact. She knew they were nearing a breaking point and decided Saturday would be their day alone no matter what. If she had to call the Secretary of the Navy to make it happen she would. To that end she called Abby and asked her if she could take Tali for the day and overnight. Abby was thrilled and Tali was as well.

When Jethro came home late Friday night he was exhausted physically and emotionally. The past week had been very difficult for him not only because of the gruesome nature of the case they had been working but because he hated the atmosphere that was surrounding him at home. He knew Ziva was giving him space and he appreciated it but he also wondered if her staying out of his way was just more of her avoiding him. He wanted to reach out to her so badly he could hardly stand it but he was also still very wary and very hurt by her actions the last few months. Something had to change though and this weekend was when it had to happen. He wondered on the way home Friday how they could get some time alone to sort themselves out.

When he walked in the house it was late and there were few lights still on. As he made his way toward the kitchen he heard the sound of little feet running down the hall upstairs. He detoured to the stairs and found Tali heading down the steps wearing nothing but her panties. Her hair was still wet and she smelled like her mom's apple soap. As she reached the bottom step Jethro swept her up and kissed her on the tummy.

"Hi daddy. I'm glad you came home."

"Me too. You smell good. Have you had a fun day today with mommy?"

"Yes, we went to the park and made cookies. And tomorrow I get to go the whole day with Abby."

About that time Ziva appeared at the top of the stairs with a towel and comb in her hand. Jethro looked at her and raised an eyebrow in question.

"You do huh? That sounds like fun."

"I thought we could use some time alone. I hope you do not mind."

"Not at all. I think it's a very good idea." He put Tali down and said, "You better go get your hair combed out. Maybe daddy could read you a story tonight."

"Yay, I want you to. Two stories. Pleeeease."

"Okay two stories. Now get up there and let your mom fix your hair. I'll be up in a little while."

Jethro went into the kitchen and got a beer out of the refrigerator. He hadn't expected to be home this early and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do now. There was such an ache and an emptiness in him these days and he didn't know how to make it go away. He thought back to how much he had wanted Ziva to come home and yet now that she was here he couldn't even talk to her. He longed for her like he had Shannon when he was overseas but Ziva was just up a flight of stairs; not thousands of miles away. Why couldn't he just forget the past few months and take her in his arms and love her the way he wanted to? Because he had promised himself he wouldn't let another woman hurt him the way Jenny had. He wouldn't let another woman love him and then walk away. He was afraid to ask Ziva what was wrong because he thought she was going to tell him she had made a mistake and she didn't want to be with him anymore. Even though she had told him when she came back that she loved him he was almost certain she wasn't staying. He couldn't bear the thought of losing Tali. The longer he put off the asking the longer he put off finding out his life was about to fall apart. It seemed though that tomorrow would be the day.

Almost twenty minutes later Jethro went upstairs and found Tali searching through her storybooks to find the two she wanted him to read. Ziva was in the bathroom cleaning up after Tali's bath.

"You ready princess?"

"Yes daddy."

Tali handed him two well worn books and climbed up on her bed. It was a four poster canopy bed and she loved it. All her stuffed animals were spread out so there was hardly room for her on the bed but that seemed to be the way she liked it. Jethro settled on the edge of the bed but Tali wanted to sit on his lap so he kicked off his shoes and sat with his back against the headboard. With his sweet daughter in his lap Jethro began the Velveteen Rabbit which was Tali's favorite story. By the time he was finished she was almost asleep but she insisted on a second story "because you promised".

Jethro read the Saggy Baggy Elephant and by the time that was over Tali was sound asleep. He put the books aside, turned off the light and snuggled down on the bed with her. Soon they were both asleep and that is where Ziva found them an hour later. They looked so sweet together and Jethro was so sound asleep she didn't have the heart to wake him. Instead she pulled the cover over them and silently closed the door. She went to her own room and fell asleep wondering if she would be able to get her husband back to their bed or if he had decided he was ready to let their marriage go. She didn't want to believe that was possible but Jethro had barely spoken to her since she got home and had certainly not touched her in any loving way. She was so confused and frightened she felt sick to her stomach. Somehow tomorrow she had to make him listen to her and forgive her and let her love him again.

Much to his surprise Jethro woke up alone in Tali's bed on Saturday morning. Judging by the light coming in the window it was at least eight o'clock. He couldn't remember the last time he has slept that late. Stretching and yawning he stood up and started for the bathroom. Obviously Ziva and Tali were already up and downstairs; he smelled coffee and bacon. His stomach rumbled at the aroma of food and he realized he also couldn't remember the last time he ate a decent meal. He decided on a quick shower before going downstairs.

Ten minutes later, clean and wearing sweats and a tee shirt Jethro stepped into the kitchen to find his girls fixing pancakes. _His girls._ He hadn't thought of Ziva in that context in months. The sight made him smile and just that easily he knew that somehow, now matter what it took, after today he was going to have his family back.

Tali turned around and saw her daddy standing in the doorway.

"We having pancakes daddy."

"I see that. Sure smells good in here. Are you helping mommy?"

"Yes, I broke the eggs."

Jethro walked to the cabinet and got a mug and poured himself some coffee. Then, because it was what he had always done and what he had missed so much, he leaned over and kissed his wife on the cheek.

"Good morning."

The smile on her face was worth whatever risk he felt he was taking.

"Good morning to you. You slept very well in that princess bed."

"I did but I don't plan to make a habit of it." He looked her right in the eyes trying to convey the message he wanted her to get; sleeping apart was about over.

"I am very happy to hear that. Now, sit down you two and let's have breakfast before Abby arrives."

For the first time in too long the little family shared a meal together that included lots of laughter and good feelings. By the time they were through Tali had syrup pretty much all over her face and everyone had had too many pancakes but they were all happy and talking to each other. A definite change for the better.

Abby arrived shortly after ten o'clock and Tali eagerly gathered her backpack and coat and was ready to go in minutes. While Ziva was helping her get her things together Abby spoke to Jethro in the kitchen.

"You okay Gibbs?"

"Yeah, Abs, everything will be okay."

"You haven't been okay for a while now. I hope today will help that. You know I love you both but you're my favorite. Whatever you need, Gibbs you just let me know. You two are meant to be together so don't give up. Fight for her if you have to."

"I will Abs. Thanks. And thank you for taking Tali. It will be a big help for us to have today alone. It's exactly what we need."

Tali ran into the kitchen and announced, "I'm ready Abby."

"Alright then let's get going. We have to go get Tim and then we're going to the zoo."

"Yeah!"

Ziva kissed Tali goodbye and thanked Abby for taking her.

"We appreciate you doing this for us Abby. One of us will pick her up tomorrow. What time will be good for you?"

"Why don't I call you. Late morning probably. Okay?"

"Yes, perfect. Be a good girl, sweetie. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye mommy."

Tali ran out to the car where her daddy was putting her carseat in place. Jethro got her buckled in, kissed her and told her to have fun.

"You have fun too daddy."

Abby heard that and chuckled, "Yeah, you have fun daddy."

"I will. I hope. You two behave yourselves and we'll see you tomorrow."

Jethro stood in the driveway and watched them until the car was out of sight. He knew Tali was in good hands with Abby and Tim but still he always worried when his little girl was away from him. He could feel Ziva watching him from the porch. He turned around and they stood looking at each other across the driveway for a long moment. Each of them wondering what the day was going to bring. Heartbreak? Renewal? Second Chances? Maybe some of each. _Time to get started, _Jethro thought as he walked toward the front porch and his wife.

When Jethro started for the house, Ziva went inside to the kitchen and started a fresh pot of coffee. Jethro walked in and found her putting dishes away.

"Ziver."

Ziva turned around, leaned against the counter, her hands on the counter behind her. They just looked at each other searching for a beginning.

"Here we are, all alone. Tell me what to do, Zi."

"Would you just hold me, Jethro? Just for a little while."

"Of course."

Jethro opened his arms and stepped towards her. Ziva pushed away from the counter and went quickly into his embrace. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. Jethro stroked one hand down her back and then just held onto her. They stood in the middle of their kitchen not moving, just holding each other trying to regain some of their old magic. After a while Jethro noticed his shirt getting wet and realized Ziva was crying. There was one thing he could not bear and that was Ziva crying. He loosend his grip just a little bit and with his hands on her shoulders he pushed her away just enough to be able to see her face. He gently wiped her tears away with his thumbs.

"Please don't cry Zi. You know I can't stand it when you cry."

His voice was soft and held all the love she remembered, so of course she just cried more. Jethro pulled her back to his chest and hugged her some more. Finally Ziva was able to get her self under control and this time she was the one who stepped back. She wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands and tried to smile at her husband.

"Sorry. I know you hate it. I did not mean to cry but having you hold me just felt so good. I have missed you so much Jethro I cannot begin to tell you how much."

"Zi we have to talk. There are things I need to know and things I want you to know. Let's go sit down and figure this out."

Jethro poured himself a large mug of coffee and Ziva grabbed a bottle of water and the two headed to the living room. Jethro settled on the couch and Ziva perched on the edge of a chair across from him. She was too wound up to sit still for long so she wanted to be where she could get up and pace around. Jethro took a long drink of his coffee, set the mug on the table and took a deep breath.

"Do you want to start or shall I?"

"I will start if you do not mind."

"I don't mind. Ladies first and all that."

"This may take a while and I do not know if it will all make sense. A lot of what I want to say is very jumbled in my mind. I will tell you all about the mission but I would like to save that for the end. The first thing is not jumbled and not hard or confusing. That is, I love you with everything I am. I cannot say really how much I love you and cherish our life together."

Ziva got up and began pacing back and forth the length of the room. Jethro watched her and sat patiently waiting. He knew she needed to organize her thoughts and he was familiar with her method of getting everything just so in her mind before she spoke.

"I will begin some months ago when things started feeling not right for me. I had taken Tali to the park one day when I left work early. It was such a beautiful day I told Helen she could have the afternoon off and I took Tali to that really nice park we like to go to. She was off playing on the climbing thing and I was sitting on a bench alone just enjoying watching her. There were some other mothers there and I could hear them talking. They were talking about ballet lessons and piano lessons and what pre-school they were going to send their children to. They were all dressed in very nice clothes and had their hair and nails done and they were just so perfect. You know what I mean?"

Jethro nodded. He knew exactly what she was talking about; well-to-do mothers who didn't need to work and whose lives revolved around their children. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Well for some reason I sat there listening and watching those women and I began to feel very inadequate as a parent. Maybe not inadequate but certainly not their caliber. Then they started talking about themselves and their club meetings and their college days and all the "important" things they were doing. So, I started thinking about what I would tell Tali about myself as she grew up. Would I tell her how many bombs I had diffused or how many people I had killed? Would I tell her about growing up in Mossad not as woman but as a warrior? Finally thank god, Tali came over and was ready to go home. I had never been so glad to leave a place."

Ziva paused to take a drink of water. She had not looked at Jethro at all, instead she had been staring out the front window. Now she looked at him but his expression told her nothing.

"Go on Zi."

"This is where it gets all jumbled. I somehow began to think I was not worthy of you and Tali. That I was not going to be the kind of mother she deserved or needed. And not the kind of wife you deserved. When I say it now, standing here in our house, looking at you, it sounds crazy but for some reason, at that time it made perfect sense to me. You were closing the Simpson case and everyone was so proud of you and the team and I felt left out. After that you were gone for two weeks on the Tyler case and I spent too much time brooding and feeling sorry for myself Then, after you came home you and I were at odds about something, I cannot even remember what it was now, and all that just came together and I could not handle it. I know I started pulling away from you without even meaning to do it. Somehow in my mind I thought you did not really need me and would someday realize that and we would not survive."

Jethro began to feel very guilty. Where had he been when all this was happening to his wife? The woman he loved with all his heart and who he thought he knew inside and out. Why hadn't he been able to help her? Maybe his thoughts showed on his face or more likely, Ziva could still read him like a book.

"This not your fault Jethro. There was no way you could have known what I was thinking. I was not talking to you and I would not have told you anyway even if you had tried to help."

"Why not?"

"Because I was confused and angry at myself and then I was angry with you. Do you remember after the Larson case when you got drunk and passed out in the basement?"

"Yes. I was pissed we hadn't caught the guy in time to save that little boy."

"Yes and that night when I came down to the basement and found you and tried to wake you up to go upstairs. Remember?"

"Yeah, I was totally out of it."

"When I got you awake enough to stand up, you said, 'I'm sorry, Jen'. I don't think you knew what you said but along with everything I was feeling those days that was very difficult for me to hear."

Jethro was stunned. He had absolutely no memory of having said that. He had been so drunk and so emotionally drained by the case that he was barely able to walk up the stairs that night.

"My god, Ziva I am so sorry. I have no idea where that came from. You know I don't still think about Jen. I love you and only you. You have to know that."

"I do but that night it hurt me. The next day my father called and said he needed me in Israel in two weeks and I felt almost relieved to go."

"Have you been thinking about that night all this time Ziver?"

"Not really. I knew before I left that you had not even known what you were saying. But I admit, it still bothers me sometimes. I should have told you about it the next day and we could have talked it all out but as I said, my father called and said he needed me and I was all too happy to go. But Jethro, you need to know that was not the first time you have called me Jen."

"What? What are you talking about?"

Jethro was up off the couch and crowding into her personal space. It was obvious he was completely unaware of what he had done. Still, Ziva saw not only surprise but anger on his face.

"I am talking about the handful of times you have called me Jen in the past three years. Jethro, you do not know what you are saying, I understand that in my mind but you must understand that it can still hurt my heart when you call out to another woman whom I know you loved instead of calling my name."

"Why haven't you told me about this before?"

"Because I know you are not doing it intentionally. And because I know you did the same thing to Jenny."

"What the hell do you mean?"

He was very close to yelling at her and Ziva took a step away from him.

"Jethro there is no reason to be angry with me."

"I'm sorry. But what are you talking about?"

"Jenny told me how you would call out for Shannon in your sleep when you two were together in Paris and even after that sometimes. At the time she did not know who Shannon was of course. Later she understood. Just as I understand now. You loved Jenny very much for a long time and you still miss her. I know that even if you do not. And, more importantly, I accept it and I am not threatened by it. Not when I am thinking clearly anyway."

Jethro turned away from her and scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. When he turned back to face her Ziva saw tears in his eyes. He managed to contain them but they were there.

"I am so sorry, Ziver. I would never hurt you like that if I could help it. I do miss Jenny sometimes but not in any romantic way. After all the things she did toward the end I knew what we had once was gone. She betrayed me when she killed Benoit using my clip and she stopped trusting me long before that. I have no idea why I would call out her name but it is certainly not on purpose."

"I know that Jethro. That is why I never told you before now. What happened with Jenny the last year of her life cannot wipe out the love you shared. You never got to say the things you needed to say to her and that is probably why you still think of her at least in your subconscious. Believe me I do not care except for the fact that it means you are hurting. I know you love me. I trust you Jethro, believe me when I say that."

"Then why didn't you come to me when all this stuff was going on with you? We have always been able to talk things out. I don't understand why this was different."

"Honestly, I do not know. I wanted to but I was so confused and so down on myself that I just was not thinking clearly. Once my father called and I had a way to be gone for a while I took it."

"I can't say that helps me much, Ziver. Tell me about what your father wanted."

"There was an attempt on his life the week before he called me. It was never publicized of course but he was very nearly killed. They had very good intelligence on who made the attempt; people we had been looking for for years, even before I came to NCIS. He said he was sending Michael after them and wanted to know if I could get away to go with him. I said yes."

"Without even talking to me about it? You could have been killed and I wouldn't have had any idea what was going on! How could you do that to me? To Tali?"

Jethro was furious. He had thought it would be something like this but hearing it from his wife raised his anger to new level. He was so angry in fact that he walked out of the room leaving Ziva standing in the middle of the room.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thanks to each of you for reading and commenting. A couple of you have PM disabled so I was unable to thank you individually. I appreciate all your kind words. This is the end of this story. But, surprise there is another one ready to post so stay tuned for that tomorrow.

**I Need You**

Chapter 8

She had known this would be his reaction. She thought she was prepared for his anger but when he walked away she realized she had underestimated just how upset her husband was. This was going to be the real challenge. The preceding discussion paled in importance when she brought up why she had gone to Israel. If their problems had only been her insecurities and his lingering feelings about Jenny, the day could have almost surely ended well. Now, that was not a sure thing by any means. Ziva had to decide whether to go after him or let him cool off by himself. When she heard the back door slam she knew she would have to wait for Jethro to calm down on his own.

Jethro had never been as angry at Ziva as he was in that moment. He knew he had to get away from her before he said something he couldn't take back.

With no boat in the basement to distract him, he went out into the backyard to try and regain his composure. He desperately wanted to hit something. He wanted to reach across the miles and strangle Eli David. He wanted to believe he could some day trust his wife again. Jethro walked out into his yard and took lots of deep breaths and talked to himself for a good ten minutes. Then he sat down on the steps of his deck and looked out over the flower garden he and Ziva had so painstakingly planted the past spring.

Why had she left without talking to him? All the other stuff she'd told him he could deal with. He didn't understand how she could ever feel inadequate or unworthy but he knew that how a person felt was not always something they could control. He would do what he could to help Ziva see what a great mom and wife she had been. He would figure out why he was still thinking about Jen and he would deal with that. He would NOT accept Ziva going off on a mission with her old Mossad partner without telling him why or where she was going. Jethro tried to clear his mind and put his anger aside. The little voice in his head was practically screaming at him and he knew he needed to listen.

"_But can you forgive her"? __Can you let her explain and then forgive her and let it go to save your marriage? You're not exactly the perfect partner either you know. You have already walked away or given up without a fight too many times. As bad as this was, is it more important than how you feel about her and how much you love and need her? Is it more important than Tali having her mom and dad together?_

After sitting outside for almost half an hour Jethro decided he was ready to go back inside and work things out. He loved Ziva but maybe more importantly he wanted his daughter to grow up with two parents who loved her and each other. Walking away was just not an option this time. He stood up and turned to go in the house and found Ziva standing at the back door watching him. He could tell she had been crying; he didn't blame her, he felt like crying himself. When he opened the door Ziva stepped back away from him but he caught her arm and pulled her to him.

"Hey, it's okay, Ziver. I just needed some time. I want to hear the rest and then I have some things I need to say."

They stood rooted in place and held each other for a long time. Ziva finally relaxed in his arms and they just took their time, feeling their way back to solid ground. Jethro had always felt very protective of Ziva even though he thought she needed his protection the least of any woman he had ever known. Maybe, in light of what she had told him earlier, she needed it more than he realized. Not physical protection perhaps but emotional protection and support. That would not be a problem for him; he was all too happy to remind her frequently in the future just how special she was.

Strangely, Ziva had always had the urge to protect Jethro's psyche. She, being the first of the team to know about Shannon and Kelly, had always wanted to protect him emotionally. From the very beginning she had wanted to shield him from emotional pain and heartbreak. Now, she was realizing, she may have not only failed to protect him but had caused him some significant heartache herself. She held on tighter hoping to transmit to him her very deep regret for what she had done.

Standing in their kitchen holding his wife in his arms Jethro realized he didn't need any more explanation from her as to why she went to Israel without telling him. If she wanted to tell him he would listen but it would not alter the fact that he had already forgiven her. He could tell by her body language that she was sorry she had hurt him. He would ask for her assurance that she wouldn't do such a thing again and he knew he'd get it. Truth be told, all he wanted now was to kiss her and hold her and tell her what she meant to him. In doing that, he thought he could make her understand why he was so upset and at the same time let her know that she was far more than adequate as a wife and mother.

Having made up his mind about what he was going to do, Jethro began rubbing Ziva's back and let his hands get tangled in her hair. He pulled her back just enough to be able to look her in the eyes and said, "I love you Ziver." Then he leaned down and kissed her on the mouth. It had been such a long time since he had really kissed her that he took his time and savored it. They started out slowly, barely touching lips then backing off and coming back, nipping and tasting each other. Pretty soon Jethro got serious and with one hand on the back of her head he took possession of her mouth and kissed her with all the pent up emotion of the last month. He backed her up against the pantry door and held her there with his body while he kissed her until neither on of them had any breath left. He trailed his mouth down her throat and when he thought she'd had enough time to catch her breath he went back to her mouth and kissed her some more.

Ziva was so damned glad Jethro was finally kissing her she couldn't stand it. Ever since she had gotten home she had needed to have this close, physical contact with him but they had barely touched each other. When he began kissing her she finally began to believe he was going to forgive her. When he backed her against the door and pinned her there she felt her body melting into his and she finally felt like she was really home. She managed to get her hands under his shirt and the feel of his skin under her hands after so long without him was fabulous. She couldn't breathe but she didn't care. She wanted him to keep kissing her and holding her and if giving up breathing was necessary she was happy to do it.

Eventually they both had to have some breathing room and Jethro started to move back but Ziva pulled him back against her body and held him there. He leaned his forehead on hers and they slowly relaxed and began breathing normally again.

"I have missed having you kiss me Jethro. Missed the feel of you and the taste of you. I promise you I will never leave you again without talking to you first. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you."

"I missed you too. Very much. I may not understand why you left but I know you thought it was what you needed to do. I forgive you that, Ziva. I am sorry I wasn't paying attention to what was going on with you. I want to do better. I have some other stuff I need to say. Want to go sit down?"

"Yes."

Ziva took his hand and they went into the living room and Ziva sat on the couch. Jethro sat on the coffee table facing her and took her hands in his. He closed his eyes and tried to get his thoughts in order. That brief make out session in the kitchen had sort of thrown his mind into a spin and he was having a hard time coming back to the idea of talk instead of action. But, he was determined to follow Ducky's advice and tell Ziva what her leaving had meant for him. Then, perhaps the action could resume.

"You know I'm not much for talking when something else will work but I know there are things I need to say to you Ziva so please be patient and let me say it all. I'm not saying this to hurt you but to help you understand what your leaving did to me. First it made me angry and then it scared me. And then it hurt me. The anger I know you understand; you've seen it and you know what it does to me. Only this time I had to keep it to myself because I couldn't let Tali see it. My team saw most of it and the rest I took out on the firing range and in the gym.

After a few days, after we talked on the phone I was just plain scared. Scared you would get killed or hurt or just decide not to come home. I have lots of experience with people I love leaving me so I figured that was what would happen. I couldn't really believe you would leave Tali so I thought maybe you would come back for her. The idea of losing the two of you scared me so much some days I could barely pay attention to what I was doing at work. Ducky finally sat me down and made me tell him what was going on and after that he was checking on me all the time. After a couple of weeks I stopped being scared and I guess I got mad again and then I had to admit I was hurting.

Ziver, I have trusted you from the beginning you know that. As important as the love I feel for you is the trust I have in you. I trusted Shannon from the minute I met her and she never, ever let me down. I didn't trust another woman until I met Jenny. I trusted her with my life and eventually with my heart and we know how that worked out. So, for me to trust you outside of work was a big deal. I know you understand that. When you just left with no explanation, I began to wonder if I had been wrong. I didn't want to believe it but there it was, right in front of me and I couldn't shake that fear that I had made a mistake in trusting you with my heart and my soul."

Jethro let go of Ziva's hands and stood up. Talking this much was very hard for him and he needed to move around. He could seen in her face that what he was saying was having a strong affect on his wife. Maybe they both needed a short break. Ziva wanted to say something but she wasn't sure if she should or if she should just wait and let him finish. She had never heard him say so much at one time. Any other time it would be an occasion for a laugh but this was too serious to joke about. Instead of saying anything Ziva got up and went to stand behind Jethro as he stood looking out the window. She put her arms around his waist and laid her head on his back. He covered her hands with his and she felt him take a deep breath. Whatever he had left to say was coming soon. Without turning around Jethro began to speak.

"Zi, I don't think you have any idea how much I need you. Not how much I want you or love you but how much I NEED you in my life. When you're not here nothing is quite right. Sure I can manage alone, I did it for a very long time and if I had to, I could do it again. I can take care of Tali myself if I have too but that's not what I mean. I need to wake up with you because when I do I feel like the day is worth getting up for. I need you here when I come home so I have someone to balance me and tell me the bad stuff can't hurt us. I need you because you understand the darkness and you don't let me go there alone.

Some days when you were gone I went through all the motions of getting Tali ready and I'd go to work and when I got there I'd just sit in my car because I felt like I couldn't breathe. And when I got home I'd go through the motions of supper and bath time and reading stories and getting Tali to bed and then I'd lie on our bed and stare at the ceiling and try to figure out what I'd done to drive you away from us. I'm not saying you can never be away from me. I'm saying that not knowing what was happening and why, nearly drove me crazy. I can't do that again. I won't.

You and Tali are my life but one day Tali will grow up and leave us and have her own life. You and I, Ziva, we're forever."

They continued to stand together, Jethro looking out the window and Ziva holding onto him. Ziva absorbed everything she'd heard and took a few minutes to formulate her response. She wanted to look at him when she talked so she stepped around in front of him.

"Let's sit down."

Jethro took her hand and they sat on the couch together. They settled, both sitting partially sideways so they could see the other's face. Ziva leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss before she sat back and reached for his hand. She held on with both of hers and managed to steady her voice when she spoke.

"You were right, some of what you said was hard for me to hear but I am very glad you told me. I say again, I am very sorry for hurting you, Jethro. It was not my intention and I did not make a conscious decision to leave in order to hurt you. I left because my father needed my help and because I was in a very bad place emotionally and did not know how to get out of that place. You are also right when you say that I did not understand how much you need me. In fact, I have to say that I felt you in fact, did not need me. You are the most capable man I have ever known and I know you could manage quite well without my help. You are a wonderful, caring, attentive father and I had no qualms at all about leaving Tali in your care.

I understand now that I was thinking only of the material or everyday kind of needs and not the emotional needs of either one of you. I have spent so much of my life not thinking about emotions that sometimes I still do not consider them. That has to change. I thought it had until now but I promise you, Jethro, I will pay much more attention to that aspect of our life in the future. Can you trust me to do that?"

"Yes, I trust you to do what you say Ziver. I trust you with my life and my heart and my soul. You need to know that I think you are a great mother. You are every bit as good a parent as I am. None of those women at the park can hold a candle to you as a mom. Tali adores you. I adore you. You are a wonderful partner Ziva and I don't mean at work. You make me a better man. I have some pretty extensive experience in this area and I can tell you that as wives go, you are very nearly perfect."

"Only nearly?"

"Take away the last month and you are perfect."

"Then I would like to erase the last month and go forward. Can we do that?"

"I think that would be a very good idea. Promise me that if you ever start to question yourself in this marriage you will come to me and let me tell you what a wonderful wife and mother you are."

"I promise."

"And promise me if your father needs help again you will talk to me about it first."

"I promise."

"And promise me…."

"Jethro!"

"Only one more. Promise me that you will come upstairs with me right now and we can spend the rest of the day having wonderful makeup sex."

"I promise! And, I promise that if you can catch me you can be on top first."

With that Ziva jumped off the couch and ran for the stairs with Jethro in hot pursuit.

END


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